Meeting the adoption worker...and other crazy stuff

Our meeting with the adoption worker for Baby Girl went well.  The case hasn't officially been turned over to her yet as they are STILL waiting on the paperwork for the TPR from the court.  She is trying to get everything done that she can now and then when the paperwork comes she will be able to push things through pretty quickly, she hopes.  She is currently in doing the background checks etc...  We just did all that for our foster re-licensing in July, but the adoption dept. still has to do it again.  We have heard several different time frames for finalization.  The GAL mentioned mid-November,  at the meeting on Monday the adoption worker(AW)  said by Christmas, some of the paperwork the AW gave us says Dec 1st.  Then at the staffing yesterday (Wednesday) the AW mentioned October.  I have been telling people by the end of the year it should be final, and I will stick with that until we get a court date.  All we know is that unless something truly crazy happens she will be ours forever!

The AW left a large envelope of papers which are the "disclosure statements"  basically all the paperwork that has to do with Baby Girls DCF case.  Why she was taken into care, how the parents did with the case plan, GAL reports and court reports, and as much bio family history as they know.  Since Baby Girl has been with us the whole time she has been in care, none of it was new to us.

AW asked us a few questions about how long we have lived in the county, blah, blah,blah. She explained the adoption subsidy and about medical insurance and a few other things. She then asked to look at Baby Girls room, and that was about it.  She will get back with us after she has everything from the court, and I guess there will be more paperwork for us at that point.

Now for the crazy stuff.  There was a staffing for Baby Girl yesterday - a staffing is where all of the case managers, GAL, bio parents, foster parents and in this case the adoption worker get together outside of court to discuss what has happened with the case, and where the case needs to go from that point.  I participated via the phone.  Her bio parents would not have been asked to be there because of the TPR - (not that they would have come anyway.) The first strange thing that happened was that AW said that when she went to see Baby Girls room she noticed that there weren't any stuffed animals or toys or blankets in the crib, that most cribs have something in them.  She then said "she does sleep in the crib doesn't she?"  I told her yes she sleeps in the crib, and that she has 2 favorite "loveys" that she sleeps with as well as a blanket, but when she is not in the crib we fold the blanket and put them away.  I just found that strange that she would comment on that, especially at a staffing.  I have always heard parents being cautioned about putting too many soft toys, blankets etc... in the crib due to SIDS concerns.  This is the first time I have ever heard of someone questioning why there are not any.  The lady just spent over an hour in our toy filled living room and so shouldn't be concerned that Baby Girl doesn't have toys.  My best guess is that she may have thought that Baby Girl sleeps in our bed with us.  Rest assured Ms. AW, Baby Girl sleeps in her crib.

The big crazy thing happened next.

  *A little history - Baby Girl's mom was pregnant when Baby Girl was taken into care.  Baby Girl had been in care with us for about 2 months when bio mom and her "fiancee" took off to a state far to our north.  It was mentioned in passing by Baby Girls CM in May of this year, that bio mom had given birth to a baby boy who was immediately put into care in the "State Up North".  I did some F@cebook stalking  investigating and found bio mom and fiancee.  From comments on FB it seemed like they were having visits etc... with new baby and working on getting him back.*

So in the staffing Baby Girl's baby brother is brought up.  Apparently "State Up North" is at least leaning toward TPR, and perhaps has even started the TPR process for baby brother already, after only 4 months.  Oh and by the way would we be at all interested in adopting baby brother if he becomes available?  Talk about out of left field!!  I told them I had to talk to the Hubby, but we would definitely consider it.  I have a call in to  Baby Girl's CM to see if she has some info on what is going on in the "State Up North" as well as some questions about baby brother. 

I am still just trying to process all this and have so many thoughts going through my head.  All for another post.  What a crazy, crazy ride foster care is!!

Adoption worker coming today!!!

Our Baby Girl had her bio parents rights terminated on August 7th.  We were waiting for the paper work from the TPR to go through channels and then to hear from the case management agency adoption worker.  The adoption worker called about 2 weeks ago and we have an appointment for tonight!!  So excited.  According the Baby Girls GAL, the goal date for the case to be closed is mid November.  Just around the corner.

We have decided to change Baby Girls first name and keep her middle name.  We didn't decide this lightly, she is 21months old and definitely knows her name.  Her current (bio mom given) first name is normally considered a boys name, although "technically" it is unisex.  I have met several children with the same name....all BOYS.   It also is one of those fad names that came and went about 7 years ago.  Honestly I just have never liked it and can't imagine calling her by that name for the rest of my life.

Her middle name is lovely and we know it will mean a lot to her in the future to have kept it.

Her new first name is a loose combination of my middle, my mom's middle and my mother in laws middle names.  It is rooted in our names, but will still be totally her own.  Even people who know our middle names will probably not put it together.  I know it sounds like it may be crazy, but it actually is a name that is fairly popular, but not trendy.  My and my mom's middle names are the same, so we aren't combining 3 names.

I also have to admit I enjoyed naming our child.  We have no bio children and so we have never had the privilege of naming a child before.  We also had the added benefit of knowing some of the personality of Baby Girl before picking a name.  We were considering another name, but felt it just didn't really fit her.

Can't wait to see what the adoption worker has to tell us.  We have no real idea how the process works and have questions of course.  On the phone she mentioned that she had some things to clarify that were in addition to our foster home study, so I am assuming that we are not going to have to do a whole new home study.  Yaaay!  I have heard from a couple of CM's that the foster process is much more involved that the adoption process, so hopefully things will move smoothly!!  And quickly.

So it looks like we may have a forever daughter to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

Love It!!

Sunshine and Mama L - the rest of the story

After the first visit with Sunshine's bio mom "Mama L" went pretty well, I agreed to take her to the next visit and stay with them, as long as it was on my day off.  We agreed that we would meet at a park in a town that was between our town and Mama L's town.  I pack up Sunshine, Bluebird and all the "stuff" for a few hours at the playground, juice, snacks etc...  We get there first and start playing on the equipment.  Soon Sunshine's CM drives up.  She gets out and comes over to tell me that Mama L's ride wouldn't bring her all the way to the park.  They would only go as far as the local fast food place.  OK the park is like less than 10 minutes from the fast food place, but whatever.  I now need to explain to Sunshine (3 yrs old) and Bluebird (18 months) that now we have to stop playing on super fun swings and get back in the van and drive to FFP (fast food place)  We took our time getting off the swings.  The CM had also mentioned that this time "Granny" had come too.  That put me on alert.  As I mentioned what actually happened to Sunshine before she came into care is a bit muddy, no one is talking, including Sunshine, and we weren't  sure how much (if anything) had happened while she was still living with Granny and how much happened after she was moving from house to house.  I was worried that we were going to have some major problems when Sunshine saw Granny.  I didn't have my ziploc barf bags with me, and I was concerned.  Once again the visit went better that I expected as far as Granny was concerned.  No drama, no vomit WaaaHooo.  Sunshine was not afraid or upset to see Granny, but it wasn't like she was overjoyed to see the person who had cared for her for the majority of her life.  Mama L and Granny had brought Sunshine several outfits, pajamas, and toys.  They even brought some pajamas for Bluebird, which I thought was great.  The visit went well for Granny, Mama L and Sunshine,  I however was going out of my mind trying to keep a very active 18 month old busy in a FFP dining room.  I had planned on the 2 hour visit being in the park,  I packed for the park, I did not bring extra toys and things for Bluebird to play with, and sunscreen and mosquito spray just didn't seem like appropriate toys for a toddler.  Of course this FFP was not one of those with a play area.  As we are getting to the end of the visit, Mama L and Granny start making phone calls.  They are trying to find a ride home.  I was floored!  I was used to bio parents who were no shows, and who cancelled visits because it was raining.  Here was a bio family who was determined to come to this visit even though they had no idea how they would get home.  More points for Mama L in my book!!  When we left, they were still trying to work out a ride home.

Visits went well for Sunshine and Mama L, I supervised one more visit at the park....really at the park this time, and then I felt comfortable enough for Sunshine to try it on her own.  I felt that if Mama L would pick her up at day care, when I wasn't around, Sunshine would be fine with going without me, and she was.  We had agreed that Mama L would drop her back off at day care by 4:00 and I would pick her up there about 4:30.  I get there at 4:30 and they aren't back.  I wait until 4:45 and then I have to go home to meet Mr Ron who is bringing Bluebird home from her bio visits.  I get Bluebird and back we go to daycare, still they aren't there, now I am getting aggravated. I wait out in the parking lot and they finally show up about 5:30.  As we are getting Sunshine from their car to ours she is crying hard.  She doesn't want to leave Mama L.  Judging by the loot she is bringing with her, they must have had a grand time shopping.  Mama L is visibly upset that Sunshine is upset, and is trying to help calm Sunshine down.  Good things.  As she is leaving Mama L asked if I could have Sunshine call her later just so that Mama L knew that Sunshine was ok.  She said that I could block my number if I wanted to.  I told her I would and she gave me a number to a friends cell phone.  I decided later that night that I would not block my number and we called Mama L.  They had a good conversation and the rest of the evening went fine.

After that Sunshine had weekly visits with Mama L which pretty much lasted all day.  Mama L would pick her up at daycare and we would meet at day care to bring her home.  Every visit Sunshine came home with lots of new clothes and toys.  We were wondering how Mama L, with no job, was managing all the new things as well as a new car, but thought maybe she found a "friend" who was supporting her.  Mama L also called just about every evening to talk to Sunshine.  Things were rolling along.  We were sending school pictures and Sunshine's art work for Mama L and she was being super consistent with visits, although she hadn't really done anything else required in her case plan.  We thought that she just needed to get settled in and she was still trying to decide where she wanted to live.  CM and I both felt that this would end in reunification pretty quickly. The only really aggravating thing is that they were constantly late bringing Sunshine back..  I started telling her that we would need her home 30 min earlier, that way she would only be 15 min late instead of the usual 45.  We were pretty flexible with the timing of visits they were pretty much always on Fridays and Mama L could pick Sunshine up at daycare anytime after 8:30 and then we would connect by phone in the afternoon to set up a "time" (hahahaha) to meet at daycare to bring her home.  As long as she was home in time for bath and her regular bed time we were good.

In early October, Mama L called on Thursday night to talk to Sunshine, and she confirmed that she would pick her up the next day.  I had to let the daycare know if Mama L was going to pick Sunshine up, because she couldn't get her without my permission.  I told Mama L I would let the day care know.  My in-laws like to take our girls to the local high school football games, Sunshine loves them!  We realized that weeks game would be in the town where Mama L lives.  I put a note in Sunshine's backpack telling Mama L that if she wanted to save some driving, my in-laws would be happy to meet her somewhere in her town and gave her the times they would be there, and to let me know if that would work for her.  I hadn't heard from her by mid afternoon and so I tried to call her on her cell.  It went to voice mail.  I waited a little bit and tried again...voice mail.  I tried the home phone number and someone answered,  No Mama L wasn't there and they had no idea when she would be back.  They were very curt with me.  Aaalllrighty then.  I try cell again, this time no voice mail, no nothing.  I try one other number I have for her, turns out to be a friends cell,  I explain who I am, and that I am trying to get Mama L to find out what time to meet her with Sunshine.  Well the friend is just leaving work and so she will go by Mama L's house and let her know I am trying to call her. Thanks.  I wait...no call from Mama L.   I leave work and try Mama L's cell again, it just rings.  I pick up Bluebird at her daycare and head home.  Try Mama L's cell again.  Ring, ring, ring.....  As I am coming into our town I decide to drive by Sunshine's daycare and see if maybe they are waiting there to meet me.  Maybe Mama L just left her phone at home.  As I am pulling into the parking lot I see one of Sunshine's teachers and I ask her if Mama L ever came to get Sunshine today.....You guessed it ......NO she had never come to get her.  I park and Bluebird and I go and get Sunshine.  I take them to my in-laws and they go to the game.  Sunshine never knew that Mama L bailed.

I was really surprised that Mama L bailed on her visit.  Like I said she was super consistent with visits and calls.  As a couple of days passed and we did not get even a phone call from Mama L. I start wondering.  A little research on our local Sheriffs website confirms, Mama L is back in jail.  The charge listed is driving without a license, which triggers parole violations, no bond.  She was arrested on the same day she was to pick up Sunshine for the visit.  Are you KIDDING me??? You have this beautiful little girl and you are doing well, and you get arrested for something so stupid!?!?   I just thank the Good Lord that Sunshine wasn't with her when she was arrested.  The worst part, almost, is her mug shot,  she has this little smirky smile on her face.  Like isn't this just the funniest thing.  I just wanted to shake her.  Instead I called Sunshine's CM and said I guess you know Mama L is back in jail? No she didn't know.  A few days go by and I am talking to CM again.  She mentions that new charges have been added.....like 65 new charges.  For the same type of thing that she was incarcerated for before.A few weeks go by, one day I have voice mail on my phone from a number I don't know.  It is Mama L,  she has been given a bond amount, would I be willing to contribute some money?  I can call her Godmother at XXX-XXXX.  Ummmm let me think....that would be NO!  Wow....just Wow.  Turns out the bond thing never happens, and even more charges are added, we are up to like 87 including parole violations.  Mom eventually accepts a plea and is back living "far away".  She called a few time while in the local "far away", but nothing since she went to the far "far away".

The foster case for Sunshine is a little complicated.  DCF has started TPR proceedings for both bio parents, Mama L is fighting it and so it will go to trial.  I assume it will eventually anyway,  several of the preliminary hearings have been continued due to attorney issues.  Dad has not responded to the summons and so is considered in default.  His TPR should go pretty quickly.  I have no doubt that Mama L LOVES Sunshine, but if she can't even make it 3 months without going back to "far away" then I have major concerns about stability for the long run.  What happens if she comes back and Sunshine goes to live with her and a few months or, years even, she is back in "far away"  What happens to Sunshine then?  Back to moving from place to place?  We see how well that worked before.  And it isn't just Mama L,  this whole family has issues with "far away" for they same type of behavior.  They have tried to clear SEVERAL people in the family to place Sunshine with and none of they can be cleared.

Sunshine is doing really well, she doesn't really ask about Mama L very much.  We do have a photo in her room of them together at the first visit.  She has said that she wants to see Granny again to "give her a hug", as long as I go with her, so we are working on making that happen.  When her Guardian Ad Litem asked her if she wanted to see Mama L she said no.

And that is where we are today.  Waiting for court dates and decisions.  Loving our Sunshine.