After our Angel left to go live with Sissy, we took some time to just rest and adjust. We still had Bluebird and were enjoying just being able to concentrate on loving and taking care of her. It was March and Bluebird was a little over a year old, walking and getting into everything. We really needed the time to just process Angel leaving us and to start to heal a little. Soon though we started to get that feeling, wondering what child was out there and needed us. We called our agency and let them know we were ready for a new placement... A few days later I received the call from placements...3yr old little girl, just removed and placed into care, will we take her? Yes. Here we go!
We got the call about placing "Sunshine" with us in the early evening, 5:30 - 6:00. The CPI that removed her would be bringing her. And we wait.....and wait. About 8:00 they call to say that they have taken her to the hospital to do a more thorough physical examination and were waiting for results and for her to be discharged . And we wait....and wait. Finally about 10:00pm the CPI calls and says that the hospital has discharged her and they are on their way, it will take about an hour. A little after 11:00 they arrive. Sunshine is sleeping on the CPI's shoulder, but wakes when she tries to give her to me. She wasn't having it, and started to cry. I asked the CPI if she would like to place Sunshine in her bed to make it easier, and she agreed. The CPI told Sunshine that we would take care of her and keep her safe. Sunshine fell asleep almost immediately, she was EXHAUSTED.
As we walked to the living room with the CPI she explained that she would be coming early the next morning to pick up Sunshine so she could take her to see the doctor and would keep her in emergency day care for the rest of the day. A transporter would bring her home after we got home from work.
Sunshine came to us with only the clothes she was wearing, which were a nightgown, a pair of sandals and a sweater that someone had given her at the hospital. She was wearing a diaper. The CPI brought the rest of the pack of diapers as well. Sunshine was potty trained, but the stress of the day had been too much and she was back in diapers.
Sunshine slept through the night and woke easily when I went to get her up. We got dressed (I put her back in a pull up, as I wasn't sure how the day would go, and she would have limited clothing with her). I wanted to let her sleep as long as possible, the CPI was coming really early, and so I packed a lunch bag with some breakfast items for her that she could eat in the car if she wanted to. A banana, some dry cereal etc.. and a sippy cup of juice. Sunshine barely interacted with me at all as we were getting dressed, she did what I asked, but I don't think she said one word, and seemed utterly despondent. Bluebird and Hubby were in the living room when the CPI came, Sunshine and I were not quite ready. When we came out, Bluebird was very interested to see who this new little person was and came close to her and talked to her (1yr old jibber jabber). We all watched to see how Sunshine would react. She just looked at her for a few moments and then slowly reached out her hand and gently touched Bluebirds arm. This was the first time she interacted with any of us of her own will. I explained that I had packed some food for her to take, and asked if she wanted anything, no response until I held out the juice cup, which she grabbed immediately. Yay I got something right! They left and we went about our day.
I have some time between when I have to get Bluebird to daycare and when I have to be at work, so I spent that time buying Sunshine some new clothes.
The transporter brought Sunshine home shortly after we returned from work. We went out to meet them. The transporter opened the door, Sunshine got one look and us and freaked out! She WAS NOT going to get out of that car. The transporter started to undo the car seat buckles and Sunshine was trying to put them back together. It was almost funny if it wasn't so sad. The transporter remarked to us that," I have had children not want to get into my car, but have never had one not want to get out." Well that made me feel really great. I couldn't blame Sunshine. Although she had spent the night in our home, she had only really seen us for a few minutes before she fell asleep and a few in the morning before she left. In the last two days she had gone from strange place, to strange place to strange place. She Had Had Enough! The transporter finally bribed her with M&M's, used some insistence and Sunshine was out. We carried her into the house and sat her down on the couch. She lay down, curled up and that is how she stayed for the rest of the evening. We tried to engage her with books, toys etc... Nothing. We tried to find out if there was something she would like to eat ....Nothing. Did she need to go potty....Nothing. Not even Bluebird could entice her that night. The only thing she would accept from us was juice, which she wanted with her constantly. It was time to bite the bullet and approach the bath time question. She NEEDED a bath, but I knew that bath time can be quite hard for a lot of children. We still didn't know all that had happened to bring Sunshine into care and so I approached bath time with caution. Sure enough she freaked out. I finally was able to persuade her to stand in the dry tub while I washed her with warm water from a large bowl and soap. She kept saying, "Are you gonna wash my hair? I don't want you to wash my hair." I agreed we wouldn't wash her hair. That would be a battle for another day. It was into jammies, and story time. I read to her but she just lay there and didn't react at all. I sat by her bed and rubbed her back until she fell asleep, for a while. We thought we were kind of in the clear since she slept the whole night the night before, but apparently she was just so exhausted that she slept like a rock. Not the second night though. She woke up crying, EVERY...HOUR. Not just crying, but screaming crying. It was a LOOOOONG night. I would rub her back and get her back to sleep, get myself back to bed and maybe get to sleep just to have her start crying and screaming again.
This pattern would last for weeks. She would lay on the couch or love seat, or curled up in the chair the whole time she was home unless we made her get up. When she needed something she wouldn't ask for it or even just tell us, she would just start to cry. We would then have to try to figure out what it was that she needed, food? drink? potty? hot? cold? We finally got to where we would tell her that we couldn't help her if she was crying because we couldn't understand what she wanted. She would eventually tell us between the tears. She usually wouldn't tell us about needing to go to the bathroom until it was too late. We still had her in pull ups because she would never let us know she needed to go to the bathroom, and every time we asked she said she didn't have to go. The nights were AWFUL. She continued to wake up screaming and crying multiple times during the night. If she only woke up 3 -4 times we considered ourselves lucky, usually it was 6-7 times. We tried everything...cuddling her, not cuddling her, just standing in the room so she knew I was there but not interacting or giving lots of attention. A few times she would quiet down if I just went to her door and told her that we were in our bed and Bluebird was in her bed and it was time for all of us to be sleeping. And sometimes it wouldn't work. We found out quickly that a closed bedroom door was a major trigger for Sunshine and never closed her door again. We were functioning with major sleep deprivation. After a few weeks these behaviors started to taper off. Sunshine would start to interact with us more. The way she played with toys was more like Bluebird would at 1yr old than a 3yr old should, but at least she was playing. She was eating more, at first the only thing she would tell us that she liked was french fries. We didn't feed her only french fries of course, so we soon learned that she liked various foods, fruits and veggies.
The best thing I feel that I did to help Sunshine to settle and adapt was to stay close to her as much as possible. Even if she didn't want me. I sat at the end of the couch and would lay my hand on her foot. I stayed by her bed until she fell asleep. I was never far away from her when we were together, and I think she finally learned to trust that I was going to be there for her and I wasn't going to hurt her.
It was a slow process, but things got better. Now you hardly ever see her with out a huge grin showing her one deep dimple. She is super smart and does very well at school. She makes us laugh every day. She loves to sing and dance and wants to be a cheerleader. She is one of those children is just genuinely a Happy Kid. She is our Sunshine.
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