Her first night was rough on her, as you can imagine. She had no idea where she was or who we were. She cried herself to sleep. The next morning though it was like she had been with us the whole time, she was as happy as could be.
Our first order of business was shopping. She came with pretty much all she would need for the week, but we wanted to get a few more things as well as our regular groceries. We strapped her into the car seat and off we went. I admit we wondered what the reaction of the other shoppers would be to seeing our new mixed race family. We did get some second looks, but over all it was a non issue. Everything went well until we got to the checkout line. The very nice cashier was asking us about Bluebird and of course soon asked us "what's her name" ...............crickets chirping..............ummm........ We looked at each other. WE HAD FORGOTTEN HER NAME !! I quickly made something up and explained that she had only been with us since the night before, but I felt HORRIBLE. Who forgets their child's name?? She has a very unusual name with an even more unusual spelling. Most people couldn't remember it 10 minutes after we told them. It is a feminized version of her father's name. He doesn't even use his first name, so why would he give it to his child???
The placement dept. at our agency called to see if we would like to keep Bluebird as a long term placement. Of course we said yes, and so she would not be returning to her first foster home. Our home was a good bit closer to Bluebirds parents than her first foster home, which is why they asked us if we would keep her.
Bluebird had visits with her mom and dad for 2 hours each (separately), on Tuesdays. Her transporter, Mr Ron....we love, love, love Mr Ron....would pick her up at our house, take her to the visits and supervise them, and then bring her home. Mr Ron had been doing this since her birth and so he was a constant friendly face for her. He was retired from the Sheriffs dept. and wasn't the type to put up with much from the birth families. He loved our little Bluebird as well, the people at the agency where Bluebird had her visits called her Mr Ron's Baby. Mom and Dad were working their case plan in a two steps forward, one step back, fashion. Doing just enough not to go to TPR, but no real commitment. Visits were the same way, especially for mom, she would cancel a visit because it was raining. Dad would make most of his visits, but would come late and leave early. Once I had to cancel a visit because Bluebird was sick and running a fever. Mr Ron said that Dad had fussed about it, and I told him I felt bad about him not being able to see her. Mr Ron said not to feel bad, Dad had just fought to get 2 hour visits (had been 1 hour), and then only was there for 30 minutes for the last visit.
We had our Bluebird for her first Halloween, (she was a chick), her first Thanksgiving, her first Christmas, her first Birthday. We had her for her first tooth (finally), when she first crawled, we she first walked, and her first word. We took her to her first zoo, her first beach, her first trip to Disney World. Soooo many big firsts, and many, many more little firsts. It breaks my heart that her parents missed all of them. I feel blessed that we got to share them.
So the months went on, we kept loving Bluebird and enjoying being part of all of her growing and changing. She is so smart and is starting to talk. She is getting more teeth and will eat a piece of fruit without hardly coming up for air. She loves her Eeyore comfort blankie..."Eeeoo..Eeeoo". She loves to dance and is such a climber, not scared of anything. And she loves to stand on her head. And we love HER sooo much.
Dad finally has a "come to Jesus" moment, courtesy of his mom I think, and realizes if he doesn't get serious about his case plan he may just lose Bluebird forever. He also has a new girlfriend who seems committed to being there for both of them. Dad is working two jobs and has an apartment. After almost a year and a half he has done all he needs to to get Bluebird back, and so it is decided that it is time for reunification. Originally they were going to place Bluebird with dad immediately. She has had visits with him every week for her whole life, but 2 hours of supervised visits a week do not prepare him or her for an immediate placement. I worked with her GAL and we convinced the court to do a month of longer unsupervised visits transitioning to overnight visits and finally to permanent reunification. It also gave us a month to get used to the idea (yeah right, you never get used to one of your babies leaving) and to love on her extra hard.
Today is the day I have been trying to pretend would never come. We find out when the baby is going to live with her dad. Could be as quickly as this weekend. I have known for a month it was coming, but I am soooo not ready. She is 19 months old tomorrow and has been with us since she was 5 months. Dad has been working really hard and so I am happy for him, but this is gonna hurt!
That was my f@cebook post for September 23, 2011. I waited for Bluebirds case manager to call and let me know when Bluebird would be going. It was a Friday. About mid afternoon her case manager called and told us that they were just waiting on a signature and it would probably be Monday before they got it. Yay right? No. They decided that since Dad was approved for overnight or longer visits that they would just go ahead and move her that evening. So that was it, she was leaving. Try to finish your work day after that news. I went and picked her up at day care and could hardly talk to tell them that it would be her last day. She usually would come right up to me and was ready to go right away, but that day she went around her room showing me everything, almost as if she was saying good-bye. We went home and all our parents came over to say goodbye. Too soon her case manager drove up and it was time. The case manager had brought a car seat that turned out to be missing a piece. I wanted to tell her, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I guess she will have to stay.". But I didn't, I just loaned her our car seat, buckled her in and waved bye. She had a big smile on her face, she was happy to be going bye-bye. And she was gone.
Did you hear that sound at about 7:00 pm? That was our hearts breaking..... Love you forever Baby Girl!!
It has been almost 11 months since she left, and I am literally sitting here crying as I type this. Fostering is the hardest, most wonderful thing I have ever done.
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