I know that these posts are getting quite long. I am trying to get it all up to date, and give the history behind how we got where we are. After that the posts will be much shorter, I promise.
Our Sunshine was, by far, in the worst shape of any of our nestlings when she was placed in our home. Our first two had both been in care for a while. Bluebird for 5 months - her whole life, and Angel for about 2 years. Their immediate physical issues had long ago been dealt with. Angel of course had other issues by the time she came to us. Sunshine, however, had just been removed and placed into care with us. Her physical issues were perhaps not as bad as you may think, there were no broken bones or stitches. She did however have various scars and one set of bruises were particularly disturbing. Where they were and how it looked like they were made would make your blood run cold. They were in a place not easily covered by clothing, and many people would comment and ask how she got them. I could honestly answer that I didn't know. And truly, truly I tried not to think about how she got them, because I really did not want to be right about how I thought they occurred. They even left our pediatrician shaking his head with tears in his eyes. She was also very lethargic and dehydrated when she came to us.
The emotional and psychological issues were the most difficult part. Sunshine's mom had been incarcerated Sunshine's whole life. As far as we could determine she had never visited mom in prison. She had been living with her grandmother for most of her 3 years, but recently she had been moving from family member, family friend to family member, family friend. When she was placed into care she was living with a "Godmother". There were various allegations of different types, but no one was really talking, so nothing has ever been proven other than the physical condition she was in.
Sunshine was placed with us in March. Her mother agreed to a case plan that involved he starting parenting classes while she was still incarcerated. She was nearing the end of her sentence. After she was released she would continue working her case plan with classes and counseling, including family counseling with Sunshine. Sunshine had also started play therapy. The last week of July I get a call from Sunshine's CM. Mom is out sooner than we thought, and she wants to see Sunshine. The judge has granted, get this, UNlimited, UNsupervised Visits! Sunshine has NEVER MET HER MOTHER BEFORE!!! Mom is considered a Non-Offending Parent. Fortunately our agency has some common sense and works it out that the first few visits, at least, will need to be supervised. But the first visit is the next day and I have had no warning to get the day off or to prepare Sunshine at all for this visit that has come out of the blue.
That night I sit down with Sunshine and try to explain. She has a teacher at school who is visibly pregnant, and so I start by telling her " You know how Ms P has a baby in her stomach? Well when you were a tiny baby you were in Mama L's stomach. Mama L has been far away and so she hasn't been able to take care of you. Mama L now lives closer and she wants to see you tomorrow." Sunshine was not very taken with that idea. She cried, she told me she wants to stay with us forever, I cried. We both cried together, This, of course, did not change the fact that she had to go in the morning, and I couldn't go with her. She finally fell asleep, but had a very restless night. In the morning, as soon as she woke up, before she even got out of bed she started to throw up. This is a typical response to stress for Sunshine, and I should have anticipated it. I start to get her dressed, she throws up, I let her lay on the couch she throws up. I know I can't reach her CM until 8:00. I tell myself if she throws up once more I am going to have to do something. I decide that as stressful as it is for Sunshine, this visit is going to have to happen sometime, and so the best thing I can do is make it work so that I can go with her. I don't want her to have to go through this again. I start my calls. I find someone to cover me at work (if I hadn't I would have just closed for the day) This day also happens to be the day that Bluebird has her regularly scheduled visits with her parents. Mr Ron, her regular transporter, usually picks her up at day care and then brings her home to the house. I now need to get in touch with Mr Ron to tell him that Bluebird will be home with my mom and to pick her up there. This involves calls to Hubby to get Mr Ron's number. OK Mr Ron taken care of. By 8:00 Sunshine has thrown up 5 times. I get CM pretty quickly on her cell (a miracle.. we love Sunshine's CM, but she never answers her cell) and let her know that Sunshine is throwing up. I tell her I have worked it out that I will bring her to the visit. She agrees and lets me know the details, she then needs to call her colleague who is on her way to pick up Sunshine.
Sunshine, several gallon ziploc (barf) bags, and I are on our way to a fast food restaurant in the next town. My stomach is churning, but at least Sunshine doesn't throw up in the van. I am expecting lots of drama and tears and vomit. Sunshines CM comes to meet us in the parking lot, the supervisor from the GAL office is also there, as well as CM's colleague who was going to pick Sunshine up. CM can't stay for the whole visit and they want someone from their office to be there the whole time. Mama L is already there with a nephew 8 or 9 years old. The first thing Mama L wants to do is take Sunshines picture, but Sunshine keeps hiding her face in my neck. I know Sunshine loves to take pictures so I suggest that Mama L let Sunshine take her picture. This breaks the ice and soon Sunshine lets Mama L take her picture also, the nephew even gets some of them together. After all the drama the visit goes better than I ever would have expected. I think that once Sunshine saw that this was not anyone who had hurt her in the past, she relaxed some. She still wanted me with her most of the time, but I would tell her I need to go do something, throw away a napkin etc..., and that I would be back. I would stay away, talking to CM or GAL supervisor, until Sunshine would start looking for me again. She did throw up one more time while we were there. We were all sitting in a booth and it just came from out of the blue. Fortunately I had my handy dandy ziploc bags and the mess wasn't too bad. While Sunshine was throwing up (she was sitting on my lap) I looked over and Mama L had tears running down her face. I was happy to see her caring enough to be upset that Sunshine was upset. The visit was scheduled for an hour, but after about 45 minutes Sunshine had clearly had enough she started to disengage and didn't want to talk to Mama L anymore. We stayed for a little longer, probably close to the full hour. I wasn't sure how to end the visit, so hard to say ok I gotta go now and I am taking your daughter who you have never met before today with me. Mama L could see that it was time to go and she said that it was ok if I needed to leave and that she would see Sunshine next week.
All in all the visit went great. First impressions of Mama L were favorable. Sunshine threw up once more after we got home and then took a long nap. The stress and the emotion of the day had caught up with her. After she woke up from her nap she didn't throw up again.
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